idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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