I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
