all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
