Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
