I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
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Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
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Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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