I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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