that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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