What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
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Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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