Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
