fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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