thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
