if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize