Yo dont text me then not text me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
