Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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