just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
