I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Randomize
