Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
