My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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