I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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