mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
