Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
