I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
