so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
