fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That accounts for only three of the penises
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
