I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
