I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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