I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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