She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
