I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
