Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
