I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
