remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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