i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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