She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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