Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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