I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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