My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
