Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize