Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
