Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
