I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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