He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My bed smells like the plague
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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