She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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