He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
