Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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