the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
