The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
