Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
