I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
