Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
COCAINE IS GR8
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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