Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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