its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
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Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
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speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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