I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He better not be in your backpack
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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