he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
