Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
