so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
