Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
