Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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