who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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