I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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