ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
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Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
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I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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