After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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