i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
