my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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