Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
