Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
