I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
