Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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