the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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