Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
